This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
