Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
