my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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