guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How does one acquire holy water?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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