I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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