So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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