Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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