Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
