it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize