You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize