Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
