Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
