Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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