i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Randomize
