I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
