Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
