i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
