doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize