I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
