Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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