Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
