why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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