Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
