I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
