she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
