Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
