Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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