So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Boobs speak an international language.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
