Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
