I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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