I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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