woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
