Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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