Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
