Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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