Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
