Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
