only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
