hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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