I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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