A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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