i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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