Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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