if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how does that bad decision feel?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
