She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
