I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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