At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
