I puked a lego.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
