I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
