My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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