matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
