Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
