so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
