Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
