Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
