so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
