Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
