I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
