fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
