Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
