i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't turn off my feet"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
