My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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