I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
