Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
