To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this beer tastes like vomit already
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
