And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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