the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
