It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
