what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
