we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
