I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
