the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
