idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
