Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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