i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
