Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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